A Certain Look – Understanding Men’s Tastes in Porn
Although there is only limited value in stereotypes, it seems that many men seek to look at women in pornography who have a certain look. In short, this look often consists of large fake breasts, blonde hair, and glamorous looks. Is this stereotype true, and if it is, what does it mean? What does men’s tastes in pornography tell us about the differences between men and women?
Men’s tastes in pornography
Let’s take the first question first. It seems a recurrent pattern that a considerable portion of men are interested in women with these particular looks. Consequently, these men look for women with these characteristics and find that they play a central part in their sexual fantasy life.
We can speculate about the reasons for this. Maybe it’s just a function of desire discrepancy. Perhaps it is partially the men seeking out stylised and exaggerated sense of what they see as femininity. Or, it might be that these looks are almost a cartoonish representation of women. If this is so, then it might spring from some men’s difficulty with dealing women in all their depth and complexity. In any event, it might be that men being attracted to these types of looks in pornography givers us more evidence; men’s view of pornography can very different to women’s.
Real life is different
For many men, their interest in women who have these particular looks is unique to their interest in pornography. It doesn’t strongly reflect the sorts of women that men actually get interested in in real life. For men, this can be untroubling, and can and be a reassurance to men that their fantasy life and their real sexual life is distinct. This is further evidence that sex is only an indirect aspect of pornography.
However, it can represent a significant problem for these men’s partners. Women can be deeply troubled that their men look for women in pornography who look different to them. For these partners, this can be a source of strong insecurity; “how can he be interested in me if he is seeking out women who look like that?”
For men, the answer is clear; pornography and sex are different. Women can find this difficult to accept, which puzzles men and demonstrates, once again, how men and women see sex differently.
This is not an easy situation to resolve. However, clear communications between the couple will really help with this. This helps the woman understand more about how men use pornography; this can often do a lot to defuse women’s fears that pornography is a type of sexual substitute for them. After all, pornography is more than just about sex. Talking about it also helps men feel more understood and less like they need to keep secrets. With good intent, women can discover that men’s tastes in pornography don’t often reflect men’s tastes in women.
Counselling can be helpful to understand what you want, and to separate reality from fantasy. I counsel individual counselling and couples counselling for pornography use in Richmond in Sunbury, as well as counselling for partners of porn users.
Let me know what you think in the comments. Now, read about who owns your sexuality?
– Tim Hill
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