Why Aren’t We Talking about Sex?
Sex is a central part of life for many people. Communication is also an essential part of life for many people. However, the amount of communication that we do about sex is very low. What can we do to begin talking about sex?
When we talk about sex
We generally only talk about sex in specific circumstances. Firstly, we talk about sex when we are with our partner. However, we usually only talk about sex when we either want it or it doesn’t work well. Not surprisingly, at these times we find it difficult! For couples to talk about sex as often as they talk about house work or finances would be a minor breakthrough, especially when it’s often as important – or more important – than either of these two things.
Secondly, we talk about sex when we joke about sex. I hesitate to mention this as being like talking about sex, because when we joke about sex our real meaning is so often hidden. Our actual meaning can be almost anything at all, from wanting sex with the person you’re talking to, or trying to hide your discomfort with sex.
Thirdly, we talk about sex when something is worrying us about it. We might do this with a doctor or with another professional who were seeking help from. In these instances, this is never about how the sex is working well but always about our worry with it not working well.
Lastly, we sometimes have conversations with our friends about sex. This is something that women are likely to do much more than men, and for men it is or often uncomfortable.
Our difficulties talking about sex
The big difficulty we have in talking about sex is shame. We imagine we can get shamed for what we do or what we want when it comes to sex. This is true, even when we’re talking to someone as close as our partner, someone who’ve actually had sex with. The potential shame we feel can make it seem almost impossible. We even find it difficult to talk to medical professionals, people who are very unlikely to shame us. It just seems that with sex, we have so much to lose.
Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a surefire way to reduce this shame we feel about sex. However, when it’s all said and done, sometimes talking about difficult things leads to great rewards. Talking about sex is likely one of those times. The more you learn to bear talking about sex – with your partner, with a medical professional, or with your friends – the more likely you are to make your sex life better.
Let me know in the comments if you found this interesting. Now, read about Pornography and Trust.
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