More than just sex - Beyond Porn Addiction

Pornography: It’s Not Just about Sex

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(Last Updated On: January 13, 2023)

Look beyond the sex; we really need to understand why someone uses pornography if we’re to understand how they can stop using it. The first step is to realise that men’s pornography use is more than just sex.

More than just sex - Beyond Porn Addiction

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The need to understand

When men try to stop using pornography, understandably their greatest desire is to just get rid of it. This makes sense; for many people, the use of pornography creates problems in their relationships. However, in in our efforts to quickly push it out the door, we do ourselves a disservice by not understanding why we use pornography. We need to understand that it’s more than just sex driving pornography use in men.

 

Porn and your partner

Using pornography in relationships can create problems. Some of these problems centre on how the other person views the pornography. For many partners, the use of pornography is something that they did not know about and felt that they should have known about; to them, it’s secrecy becomes a betrayal. They push for full disclosure and men often comply, often blind to the care that needs to go into making a full disclosure.

For some partners of porn users, it can seem like pornography gets the best of them, leaving them with nothing.

 

Porn – it’s not all the same

However, all pornography is not alike. People are attracted to pornography of particular types; particular themes, particular images and particular scenarios. These are not interchangeable; something that will excite one person will be boring or repulsive to another. From another perspective, some themes in pornography will be highly exciting to a pornography user, but other forms might leave them cold.

 

More than just sex

From my experience working with people who are struggling with pornography, it’s clear that their use of pornography is related to more than just sex. More often than not, it is more about stress, boredom and their own private world they can retreat into. Pornography fills a need, and that need is often only passingly sexual.

With this in mind, it makes sense to understand a person’s use of pornography and what need it fills for them. If this need isn’t addressed, then this need is highly likely to find expression in other forms. This may be through other types of pornography, or through other activities. In any event, the original motivation of the person still exists. One of the difficulties here is that these inner motivations are largely subconscious and unknown; especially true if we persist in seeing pornography as no more than just sex

One of the ways that counselling can help people with using pornography is to understand why they like particular pornography. If this can be understood, then a person will have an expanded understanding of himself. This greater understanding can be used to make even further changes in their life and in their relationships. If you want to understand yourself better, I offer individual counselling and couples counselling in Richmond in Sunbury.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Now, read about care and maintenance of your fantasy life.

– Tim Hill

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Tim Hill

I do this work because I believe that with the right help and support, people change – I see it all the time. Whether you are battling something big or small, I believe that change is possible even when you don’t know how to change, when things seem hopeless or when the odds are stacked against you