Stepping Forwards into a Life without Porn
Men who are battling with pornography often experience it as an argument inside their head. It feels like on one hand, part of you is arguing to be able to watch pornography. On the other hand, another part is arguing that she shouldn’t be using pornography. Thinking of it like this just keeps it is an argument in your head – an argument you probably often lose. However, there’s a different way of thinking about this that might lead to a better result. It involves stepping forwards.
Not too long ago I saw the comedian Cecilia Pacquola who was talking about her battles with addictions. She had an interesting way of conceptualising the battle between her addictive side and the part of her that wanted to be free from addictions. For her, her habitual, addictive nature was something from the past that was pulling her backwards.
There was another part of her that was struggling to beat her addictions and to have a better life. This part was pulling her forward to the future.
It’s not a battle between two equal sides
To me, this is a much better way of thinking about our addicted natures. The traditional way – of thinking of us having a bad side and a good side – is not helpful. To think of us as with a bad side only increases our stress – and unfortunately, stress is one of the things that leads us towards using pornography more.
Further, to think of it as being an argument with two sides means that we get to thinking that fairness alone means that both sides should have a win once in a while. We seem to have an in-built tendency to see things as needing balance.
Much better that we think of it as being the battle between going backwards and stepping forwards. Even though our past might have some appeal to us, we know that the future is where we’ll reside. How do we get there? By stepping forwards.
Your next step
If you’d like some help with stepping forwards into a life without pornography, I offer individual counselling and couples counselling regarding pornography use in Richmond in Sunbury. This counselling is designed to have a look at what’s happening in your life, and work out a way of getting you to where you want to be.
Let me know if you think this is an interesting perspective. Now, read about porn and sexual fantasy development.
– Tim Hill
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