stopping porn your way

Three Paths: Stopping Porn Your Way

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(Last Updated On: June 1, 2018)

I work with men who want to reduce or stop their pornography use, but today I’m going to focus on those who want to stop. The men who stop using pornography when working with me fall into a number of different types. Which type are you? This will help you decide on stopping porn your way.

stopping porn your way

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The personal mission

The first type of man wants to stop using pornography for personal reasons. He doesn’t like being the sort of guy who looks at pornography; it doesn’t sit with the person he wants to be.

If he is partnered, he can feel that it gets in the way of connecting with his partner. Generally, because of this stance, his pornography use is pretty mild and infrequent anyway. For men like this, stopping using pornography is usually not too difficult.

This first step is to discover why pornography is so attractive. As discussed in a previous blog post, men generally use pornography for reasons that are not directly related to sex. Once we find out what you get from pornography, we can work out a way to get the same things from something else.

 

Under pressure

The second type of man I see is one who feels pressure to stop using pornography from a partner. However, because of problems in the relationship, he doesn’t really want to stop.

When this sort of men come to counselling, the emphasis is on exploring the use of pornography and why that seems like such a good alternative. With these men, there is a part of them that wants to use pornography, and the part that doesn’t.

Counselling focuses on the negotiation between these two parts and trying to come to a truce. For these men, there is ultimately often an emphasis on restoring the quality of their relationship. Many men that use porn have put their relationship on the back-burner for a while.

 

Realising and accepting

The third type of man I see is someone who comes to see me after being discovered using pornography. His partner has made it clear that he needs to stop or the relationship is over.

For some men like this, stopping is actually pretty easy. By the time they come to my office, they have often already stopped. Instead, our work focuses on staying away from pornography. This involves understanding what makes pornography use more likely.

Men of this type – as well as their partners – are usually surprised about how easy it is to stop using pornography. The thing that makes success most likely with this approach is realising and accepting that their lives need to change.

If you’ve decided to stop using porn, it’s important to get clear about stopping porn your way. I offer individual counselling and couples counselling regarding pornography use in Richmond in Sunbury.

I’d be interested to hear you point of view. Now, read about pornography and your partner, and the two paths it can take.

-Tim Hill

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Tim Hill

I do this work because I believe that with the right help and support, people change – I see it all the time. Whether you are battling something big or small, I believe that change is possible even when you don’t know how to change, when things seem hopeless or when the odds are stacked against you

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