The Importance of Your Fantasy Life
As we become older, our parents expect that we will give up our childish ways. Part of what they see as our childish ways are our fantasies; our playful ideas and imagination that can add richness to our childhood and give us so much inward pleasure. Is reducing your fantasy life realistic – or even desirable?
Fantasy and betrayal
The same thing can happen with our sexual fantasies when we begin a committed sexual relationship. We sometimes face the expectation from our partners that because we are partnered, we will give up our sexual fantasies. This can be for a variety of reasons, but it’s likely to stem from our partner’s insecurity if our sexuality is not fully centred around them.
For us to continue to have sexual fantasy which involves other people, or involves sexual scenarios that don’t exist in our relationship can seem disturbing or even an act of betrayal to our partners.
The deep roots of fantasy
Our ability to fantasise is very deep within us. It is closely related to our ability to think creatively and our ability to problem solve. Because of this, our ability to fantasise has many aspects which are positive; the ability to imagine a better future for ourselves or to temporarily forget the difficult circumstances we find ourselves in. It can help us believe in a better future because hope springs from our fantasy life.
Your fantasy life and security
Some sexuality researchers support the importance of fantasy. Robert Stoller (1975, p.108-109) believed that fantasy was an essential part of human existence, and that both children and adults gained a sense of security from fantasy; throughout fantasy, we can hope for something more and therefore endure what we currently must endure. This may be one of the crucial tools for people enduring trauma; the ability to project their imagination to a better place.
We can see how men keep their fantasy life alive through their interest in certain stereotypes of women, women that they often have no real-world interest in.
The failure of watered-down fantasy
The things that we fantasise about spring from our deepest core. It would be fruitless for us to try and modify these fantasies to be something more acceptable to another person, or even to ourselves. All we do is rob ourselves of something unique to us. We like what we like.
If fantasies gives a security, then we should develop work to develop our fantasy life even more. This will then give us greater security and paradoxically reduce some of the desire to act out in the real world. If your fantasy life is something you’d like to keep in good health, I offer individual counselling and couples counselling in Richmond in Sunbury.
Let me know what you think in the comments. Now, read about desire discrepancy and hypersexuality.
Reference: Stoller, R (1975) Perversion: The erotic form of hatred. New York: Pantheon
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