Sex, porn and vulnerability - Beyond Porn Addiction

Pornography and Men’s Vulnerability

by
(Last Updated On: August 22, 2019)

One of the things that makes understanding pornography use hard – for both the person who uses it, and their partner – is that pornography and sex are so different. They may have similarities, but pornography can seem like just a pale substitute for sex. And yet, why is it so popular amongst men? I think part of the the answer is about porn and vulnerability.

Sex, porn and vulnerability - Beyond Porn Addiction

© James Garcia - unsplash.com

Sex and vulnerability

For most people, having sex is very exposing, and some men find it embarrassing. We believe that sex is meant to be about showing your inner self and your deepest vulnerabilities. Through sex, we get told that we are meant to be creating an environment where we can be honest and show another person a very deep part of ourselves. This is one reason that partners of pornography users have a problem when the partner uses pornography. They feel that this vulnerability has been ripped up and thrown in their face. Instead of having their vulnerability honoured and reciprocated, they feel that the porn user has betrayed them and given this vulnerability to porn. This is very painful and hurtful to the partners of porn users.

 

Porn and vulnerability

However, it’s vulnerability which I believe also takes men to pornography. Men often seem to have a difficulty with becoming vulnerable and (like women)  find it difficult to talk about sex. This is at least partially to do with the expectations placed on men. Simplistically, these expectations include being strong and whilst being willing and able to show their vulnerability.

Another aspect of sex and vulnerability is that men don’t always want sex to be about vulnerability. Sometimes some men just want sex to be about sex. Whatever the reason is, men sometimes find the mix of sex and vulnerability difficult. Therefore, when they can encounter a source of sexuality where they don’t have to become vulnerable, this is of enormous appeal.

 

Porn is easy

Porn doesn’t ask us to be vulnerable – it rewards us anyway. All we need to do is watch. For many men, this is a far more satisfactory arrangement than the exposing of their vulnerability, even to the person they love the most.

If sex, porn and vulnerability is an area you are struggling with, I offer individual counselling and couples counselling regarding pornography use in Richmond in Sunbury.

Please let me know what you think in the comments. Now, read about fidelity and who owns your sexuality.

– Tim Hill

The following two tabs change content below.

Tim Hill

I do this work because I believe that with the right help and support, people change – I see it all the time. Whether you are battling something big or small, I believe that change is possible even when you don’t know how to change, when things seem hopeless or when the odds are stacked against you